For many years, my grandparents were houseparents at a home for adults with mental disabilities. The “girls” that I had the pleasure to get to know were amazing–full of love and life and purpose. One of these women had a particularly severe form of autism. She often rocked back and forth, fumbling with her hands, and asking questions like, “What color is God to you?”
Though an unusual take on it, her question really is at the heart of so much of our search for God as human beings. We want to know who He is. What does He look like? What does He really want? We argue over what He likes and how to get to Him. We mostly try to make Him fit into our conception of the world. We want Him to be like US.
Lately, though, I’ve been wondering–who am I to God? Am I enough as I am? Is it enough to “do justice and love mercy and walk humbly with my God?” Or do I need to become the super businesswoman & investor of Proverbs 31? Do I have to focus my entire being on my children and my household as many folks seem to require of Christian women these days? Do I have to give up everything and focus on ‘saving’ others?
Sorry–if you’re looking for the same answers, I don’t have them yet. 🙂 But I do know that who God created me to be isn’t going to be found in the words or desires of others for my life. Like the little Snoodle in a Snoodle’s Tale, my destiny and purpose is found in God’s vision for me. He, after all, is my creator. He designed me for a purpose. As I walk in faith day by day, I have to trust Him to direct my paths toward that purpose and, hopefully, once in a while, whisper to my spirit who exactly I am.